-:: Suicidal Ideation ::-

• Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
• Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
• Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
• Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
• Don’t dare him or her to do it.
• Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
• Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
• Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
• Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
• Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

Be Aware of the Warning Signs of Suicide

There is no typical suicide victim. It happens to young and old, rich and poor. Fortunately there are some common warning signs of suicide which, when acted upon, can save lives. Here are some signs to look for:

A suicidal person might be suicidal if he or she:

• Talks about committing suicide
• Has trouble eating or sleeping
• Experiences drastic changes in behavior
• Withdraws from friends and/or social activities
• Loses interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
• Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements
• Gives away prized possessions
• Has attempted suicide before
• Takes unnecessary risks
• Has had recent severe losses
• Is preoccupied with death and dying
• Loses interest in their personal appearance
• Increases their use of alcohol or drugs

Yes, and it must always remain the person’s own responsibility to choose what they wish to do. However, helping people to deal with their problems better, see their options more clearly, make better choices for themselves and avoid choices that they would normally regret empowers people with their rights; it does not take their rights away.

Whether it is legal or not makes no difference to someone who is in such distress that they are trying to kill themselves. You can’t legislate against emotional pain so making it illegal doesn’t stop people in distress from feeling suicidal. It is likely to merely isolate them further, particularly since the vast majority of attempts are unsuccessful, leaving the attemptor in a worse state than before if they’re now a criminal as well. In some countries and states it is still illegal, in other places it’s not.

Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person’s death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.

Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide.

People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned. Most counselling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counselling and other appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense burden of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.

It’s quite likely that some people that read this will one day attempt suicide, so here’s a quick suicide prevention exercise: think of a list of 5 people who you might talk to if you had no-one else to turn to, starting with the most preferred person at the top of the list. Form a "no-suicide contract" with yourself promising that if you ever feel suicidal you will go to each of the people on this list in turn and simply tell them how you feel; and that if someone didn’t listen, you’d just keep going until you found someone that would. Many suicide attemptors are so distressed that they can’t see anywhere to turn in the midst of a crisis, so having thought beforehand of several people to approach would help.

Different services vary in what they offer, but in general you can ring up and speak anonymously to a counsellor about any sort of problem in a no-pressure context that’s less threatening than a face-to-face session. Talking the situation over with a caring, independent person can be of great assistance whether you’re in a crisis yourself, or worried about someone else who is, and they usually have connections with local services to refer you to if further help is required. You don’t have to wait until the deepest point of crisis or until you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.

Demand for telephone services vary, so the most important thing to remember is that if you can’t get through on one, keep trying several until you do. You should usually get through straight away, but don’t give up or pin your life on it. Many people that feel suicidal don’t realize that help can be so close, or don’t think to call at the time because their distress is so overwhelming.

While it’s not a long-term solution in itself, asking a person and having them talk about how they feel greatly reduces their feelings of isolation and distress, which in turn significantly reduces the immediate risk of suicide. People that do care may be reluctant to be direct in talking about suicide because it’s something of a taboo subject.

In the medium and longer term, it’s important to seek help to resolve the problems as soon as possible; be they emotional or psychological. Previous attemptors are more likely to attempt suicide again, so it’s very important to get unresolved issues sorted out with professional help or counselling as necessary.

Some issues may never be completely resolved by counselling, but a good counsellor should be able to help a person deal with them constructively at present, and to teach them better coping skills and better methods of dealing with problems which arise in the future.

Certainly it is true that counselling is not a magic cure-all. It will be effective only if it empowers a person to build the sort of relationships they need for long-term support. It is not a "solution" in itself, but it can be a vital, effective and helpful step along the way.

There usually are people to whom a suicidal person can turn for help; if you ever know someone is feeling suicidal, or feel suicidal yourself, seek out people who could help, and keep seeking until you find someone who will listen. Once again, the only way to know if someone is feeling suicidal is if you ask them and they tell you.

Suicidal people, like all of us, need love, understanding and care. People usually don’t ask "are you feeling so bad that you’re thinking about suicide?" directly. Locking themselves away increases the isolation they feel and the likelihood that they may attempt suicide. Asking if they are feeling suicidal has the effect of giving them permission to feel the way they do, which reduces their isolation; if they are feeling suicidal, they may see that someone else is beginning to understand how they feel.

If someone you know tells you that they feel suicidal, above all, listen to them. Then listen some more. Tell them "I don’t want you to die". Try to make yourself available to hear about how they feel, and try to form a "no-suicide contract": ask them to promise you that they won’t suicide, and that if they feel that they want to hurt themselves again, they won’t do anything until they can contact either you, or someone else that can support them. Take them seriously, and refer them to someone equipped to help them most effectively, such as a Doctor, Community Health Centre, Counsellor, Psychologist, Social Worker, Youth Worker, Minister, etc etc. If they appear acutely suicidal and won’t talk, you may need to get them to a hospital emergency department.

Don’t try to "rescue" them or to take their responsibilities on board yourself, or be a hero and try to handle the situation on your own. You can be the most help by referring them to someone equipped to offer them the help they need, while you continue to support them and remember that what happens is ultimately their responsibility. Get yourself some support too, as you try to get support for them; don’t try to save the world on your own shoulders.

If you don’t know where to turn, chances are there are a number of 24 Hour anonymous telephone counselling or suicide prevention services in your area that you can call, listed in your local telephone directory.